Anytime I think about nerves in the body it reminds me of when I had a nerve test at the doctor’s office. I’d had shoulder surgery and afterwards my pinky finger and half of the ring finger next to it didn’t wake up. As in, they were numb with very little feeling. Like when your arm goes to sleep when you haven’t moved it in a long period of time. So the orthopaedic doctors decided I should have a nerve test to see where the damage was. (Yeah, I just love  those guys. Not.)

Let me tell you people, nobody said anything about how this test goes down. They hook up these electrodes to your arm and freaking zap the bejeebers out of you. I mean seriously. Couldn’t they  start out a little mild with the thing to tell which nerves are working where? No, no, no. It’s the full force, crank-it-to-the right kind of deal. The first few were bad enough, but that last one literally made me lift off the table in full horizontal position and let out almost a full expletive of “Son of a …..!!”  It’s the closest I’ve come or ever WILL come to levitating. I noticed that the nurse left in a serious hurry right after that. Seemed like she was in fear for her life. All I saw after I came back down to the table was the back of her blonde head going out the door. Hey, I didn’t say the ENTIRE expletive! Shockingly enough. Sometimes I surprise even myself.

After that, the doctor came in and did some other tests that zapped me, but not nearly as violently. Thankfully.

Oh. They said it was a nerve in my elbow that was constricted. So I got another surgery on my elbow that didn’t do a freaking thing. My fingers are still numb 2 years later. But I think I can feel just a wee bit more with them than I did. So maybe they will come back some day.

I’m not having another nerve test though.

This pig? She looks like I felt after I left the doctor’s office that day. I don’t have a picture of a baboon bearing its teeth to illustrate how I felt while still on the table. 🙂