Ok folks. I’m going to talk about a problem that we all have. You know you have it, so don’t try to deny it. It’s ok to talk about it.
Here goes…. I’m throwin’ it out there.
I’m talking about flies in the house in the fall. You know it’s an issue. A big one. They are more determined than ever to come in the house. They know it’s getting cooler outside so they take every opportunity. Then when they get in the house, it’s “anything goes” with them. A complete assault on humans, food and anything else. They’re extra “sticky” which in my neck of the woods means they are more aggressive, persistent and annoying than usual. They refuse to leave you alone and keep coming back to land on you or buzz around your face. It’s like they want you to get up and find the fly swatter. “Come at me bro! See if you have the skills to kill me!”
I utter more expletives than what’s probably necessary while I’m trying to end a fly. A lot of the time I miss. I don’t know how that’s possible when the freaking fly is actually slower than usual. It’s probably why I spent the previous 15 minutes swatting at it with my hand whenever it buzzed my face or vicinity. It’s probably why Hubs tries to hit it on the coffee table with his hand rather than getting up & finding the fly swatter. Those methods have yet to be successful. I tried hitting one with my hand on the coffee table once. The fly laughed at me.
You can imagine my horror when the neighbors dropped by the other day and stood in the doorway… with the door open. I’m thinking it’s the apocalypse. Flies are probably pouring into my house. How do I get the door closed??? If I step forward, I’ll have to shove the neighbors back out onto the porch. If I step back, I’ll have to slam the door in their face. Oh crap. I’ll have to kill a hundred flies after they leave! All this processing was probably within 30 seconds to a minute . It only takes a nano-second for a fly to see that the door is open and to turn into a stealth fighter and get in.
I quickly invite the neighbors in so I can get the door closed before a whole swarm finds out the door is open. When they are leaving, Hubs stands in the doorway, with the door open, saying goodbye. I’m looking around for something to hit him over the head with so I can drag his body out of the way to be able to slam the door shut.
As we’re sitting back down on the couch and discussing the reason the neighbors dropped by I’m scanning the area for signs of movement in the air. So far so good, until I realize they’ve probably headed straight for the kitchen. Although it’s cleaned up I know they can find any miniscule particle left on the counter that I may have missed. The granite has black specks & streaks all in it and the flies are literally impossible to see. We have to wave our hands or swatters over the area to get them to take off to detect them.
I spot two of them on the windows. Oh yeah. It’s on b**ches!! I’m totally stealthy in my movements to get the swatter. I pick it up…. and the flies disappear. They always disappear when they see the swatter. I sit back down and wait…with the swatter at my side, semi-hidden. Hubs cries out “There he is!!!” I see a glimpse of movement and swing the swatter for a mid-air hit. I miss and the fly disappears only to come back by and buzz my head. He blends in with the color of the couch, the chair, the TV, and I barely get a chance to see his silhouette against the light colored walls.
He lands on Hubs’ leg. “Be still Honey! Don’t move! He’s on your leg! I can get him!”
Thwack!! I hit Hubs’ leg with enough force to what I think will obliterate the fly. (Subconscienciously maybe a little more since he stood in the doorway with the door open.) In that split second I see the fly lift off and fly towards the kitchen. Expletives fly from both Hubs and me, but for different reasons.
The struggle is real folks. Very real.