Issues with Respect

This was a draft that sat here for a while before I got back to it and finished my thoughts. The RDP of “respect” fit perfectly. These are MY thoughts and opinions on some issues that I have been through in relationships with family and friends. I can only assume that other people have been through something similar as well. It’s not a man vs. woman thing either. It’s a people thing. I’ve seen my female friends/roommates/co-workers behave badly to other females as well. The cartoons are only for illustration.

When someone is hurt, it is real for them. THEY are the ones having the feelings and presenting them to the person that hurt them.  The perpetrator is not expected to have the same feelings, but they should acknowledge the other person’s feelings as valid. And to deal with it accordingly. Apparently this is scary for a lot of people, which brings us to:

1. Being dismissed because the other person doesn’t feel the same emotion and can’t relate to the validity of that emotion. It’s like someone slapping another person in the face and saying “Oh, I didn’t feel that, so you shouldn’t feel it.” Of course you didn’t feel it! The perpetrator NEVER feels as bad as the victim. Whatever affliction was incurred on the victim is what THEY felt, not what the perpetrator felt. It’s much easier to dismiss the other person’s feelings and stay in the cocoon of one’s own, rather than go into the black cosmos of how someone else feels. They would have to look at their own actions and why they affected the other person negatively. {{shudder}} Oh, and saying “I’m sorry your feelings are hurt” instead of “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” is complete BS.

2. Telling someone how they should or shouldn’t feel. Or manipulating the situation to favor how the perpetrator feels vs how the victim feels. How could someone possibly tell another how they should feel? How freaking controlling is that? They’re not allowed to have their own feelings? They have to have the feelings and emotions that the controller wants them to have? I have a two-letter response to that. F & U.

Image result for funny cartoons about respect

In my opinion emotions are an involuntary reflex. When something happens, be it good or bad, you instantly have a feeling about it. You may change that feeling after having time to think about it for a while, but the initial emotion is there. Do people fly off the handle immediately without thinking? Of course. Could it be that they misjudged the situation and the response was wrong? Entirely possible. But, the feeling that they instantly had was real, right or wrong. It’s THEIR feeling, not someone else’s and it cannot be dismissed simply because it’s not the same. Lord knows I’ve had words come out of my mouth in a way that I did not intend. People were hurt, offended, etc. Sometimes I didn’t realize it till later, other times I knew right then & there it came out wrong. I’d try to apologize and explain what I actually meant, without digging myself a bigger hole.

3. Another issue is about people not helping out physically around the house i.e. cleaning up after themselves, the kids, sharing the responsibilities.  They say “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” So, they’re an infant. They can’t think for themselves. On top of doing everything else for them, you also have to think for them. How exhausting.

Image result for funny cartoons about respect

When I was growing up, we had chores to do. Mom would always say “I shouldn’t have to tell you what to do. You should see that it needs to be done and do it.” Now, as a child, I had to be told over & over before I learned. But as adults we should be way past that. It was in fact a part of maturity called responsibility.  The fact that Person 2 can’t (won’t) see things that have to be done and do them without being told is a workaround for laziness. They are hoping that Person 1 will a) forget to tell them to do it b) will get tired of telling them to do it and just do it themselves c) after much procrastination on the part of Person 2, will forget entirely that it needed to be done (at least for now).  Isn’t that what we did when we were kids?

I think what these problems all boil down to is lack of respect and a lot of selfishness. Some people think only about themselves and don’t care about putting the other person first as needed. Notice I said “as needed” and not “at all times”.  They don’t have to worship the other person and sacrifice themselves for them. That’s just as detrimental.  But if Person 2 puts themselves first at all times, how is there any room for respect for Person 1?

I rest my case.

Definition of respect:

3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment

5. the condition of being esteemed or honored

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